Well, summer is almost here. If you know anything about me, you know I cherish summer. Time with my family to focus on the ones I love. To enjoy lazy days and find great adventures. To remember all that matters. To refuel for the job I have been called to do 10 months out of the year. To sleep. To laugh. To be incredibly spontaneous. I love hiking, the beach, the river, bike riding and long walks.
Last summer, the first day of summer was torture. It was the day I realized Rocky was really gone. I know June is several months past February, but I had gone into survival mode and hadn't processed my reality. You see, all the fun things I did were done as a family. Rocky always behind the wheel guiding us into some great adventure. I remember walking out to the shed and falling on the floor. I was there for hours. I remember sitting in his truck and remembering. I remember moving to his van and remembering. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It was real. There was no schedule to keep me busy, no papers to grade. Just my reality. It had been there all along but I was choosing to ignore it. Summer......it came crashing down all around me.
Then I remembered that I did not die on February 25. My life was altered forever, sure. My kids had a new lens on life, absolutely. We had to find a new way to happiness. We did. We made new memories. We went on different types of adventures. We lived. As the summer approaches I remember this . It would be easy to fall into a victim status. It would be easy to get lost in despair. I refuse. I can feel the tug, but I refuse to give in. I choose life. I want to continue to live the life that Rocky would have wanted for us. So, this summer.....watch out. The Klaverweiden's are living!
