Ambulance

In the past week, I have found myself driving over the bridge many times.  Many miles, many hours on the road.....all to get my people where they want to be.  Driving out of love I suppose.

So while driving one day (actually happened three times), I see an ambulance coming up the inside lane, lights flashing and trying to work its way through traffic.  I have always been aware and have moved out of the way for our first-responders.  It's the law and I would never want to be the delay.  Lately, I find myself so highly sensitized when this happens.  I am telling the other cars where they should go, not that they hear me.  I am imagining what scene may be happening inside. 

I think about the family who has been called to meet them at the hospital.  I wonder if children's lives are about to be forever changed.  I think about the spouse that might be launched into an altered reality. 

In the past, I moved out of the way and then just proceeded on my journey.  Now, I grieve for what might be happening.  I wish, my mind saw positive outcomes, but usually not.

I pray.  I pray that the outcome is not what all I imagine.  I pray for the workers.  I pray for the families.  I pray for the hospital staff on the receiving end who either has to get to work or share the most awful reality with someone.

When you see those lights......move and pray.  You will never know the story.

Feels Good to be Back

Hey there.  So two things brought me back to this place.

The first, one day when my daughter was playing online she found this blog.  She loved it.  She was so happy to see my thoughts and feelings.  She shared it with her siblings who were equally grateful.  That made the think of all the things that have happened along the way to bring us to this place of being ok to reflect.  I may share some back stories or perhaps just move forward.  At the time I was doing something therapeutic for me, but now I see it is a gift that keeps on giving.

Second, I have a friend walking in similar shoes.  She is a friend of sorts.  More of an acquaintance through our firstborns.  Like me, she is not a young mom but a mom of young children.  Like me, a heart attack changed her forever and her children's life stories.  Like me, she doesn't have many local to rally for her and will be depending on the understanding and generosity of others.  I am trying to help her navigate, while respecting that this is her journey and one day her story to tell.  In doing those things, I found myself back here reading.  And crying.  Remembering and being so thankful for where we are now.

I will never say it is easy since that would just be a lie, but I will say that I am learning to trust myself more.  I have found the people who love me for me.  I have cut off a lot of people that became baggage I didn't need to lug around.  I have come to peace with God and know that one day I will be reunited with Rocky and will either not care anymore or will get the answers, either one is ok with me.  I am proud of my kids and who each one is becoming.  I am accepting that we are all growing the way we are supposed to (not that this pre-teen/teen thing isn't crazy).  I am getting to know me again.  What I like, what my dream are and I am kinda liking me.  I am a pretty cool person to hang around if I do say so myself:)  If you don't agree, I am ok with that too...….see all that progress?  Anyway, I will share the journey more.  For my kids.  For anyone that cares.  For me.

Feels good to be back!