Widow

Sometimes when my life gets crazy I feel a need to explain my circumstances.  In the beginning I would tell people I was a single mom of five.  I would get reactions like wow, five!  And then nothing.  I realized that I had to present myself as a widow.  I don't look for much.  I only want people to understand I need to simplify. You see a single mom is generally divorced.  That means the man they had kids with they have decided they no longer want to be in relationship with.  No matter how evil, he is often still around to help.  At a minimum they get a weekend off every once in awhile.    I need people to understand I am alone.  This is my journey.  He will not pick them up from school and get them to the game.  He is gone.  He will not take one to one field while I go to the other.  He is permanently unavailable.  I am a widow.  I am alone.  I am not living out the consequences of my choices.  I am living out loss.  I am a single mom of five.  I am a widow.  It is different.

More than I can Handle

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

 

Read that again, go ahead.  Did you see where it said God will not give you more than you can handle?  I don't either.  I see that it says God will give us a way out of temptation.  See below for Wikipedia definition of temptation.

 

Temptation is the desire to perform an action that one may enjoy immediately or in the short term but will probably later regret for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health-related, economic, etc. In the context of religion, temptation is the inclination to sin. Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an act, by manipulation or otherwise of curiosity, desire or fear of loss.

 

An action one may enjoy in the short term but may forget.  Hmmmmm.......are you thinking yet?

 

Everyone tells me that God will not give me more than I can handle as I walk through this overwhelming stage of my life.  I started looking it up.  God doesn't say that.  I am not tempted to sin.  I am however tempted to stick my head under a rock and cry.  Please don't tell me that God is giving me any of this.  He did not take Rocky.  He did not put Isaiah on a soccer team in Willards.  He did not create Micah as an angry young man.  He did not teach Phoebe to sass.  He did not create the anomaly of the pre teen years especially for Samuel.  He did not show Lucas how to cry to get what he wants.  He did not decide this week was a good one for my refrigerator to break down.  No, He loves me.  These things are partly due to sin of the flesh, yes......my sin?  My desire to feel good in the moment?  No.

 

God did not give me these things.  He is not interested in testing my every possible limit at once.  He is, however, interested in walking through this with me.  He did say

 

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

 

See, God is going to give me the grace to do this thing.  He is going to carry me.  He may even drag me at times.  But never, never is he going to leave me.  Please think before you speak.  Cliches are just so empty and make the one delivering them seem so empty.  Especially when someone is in need of truth.  Sometimes truth is simple......Life Sucks, But God is Still on the Throne.