Widow

Sometimes when my life gets crazy I feel a need to explain my circumstances.  In the beginning I would tell people I was a single mom of five.  I would get reactions like wow, five!  And then nothing.  I realized that I had to present myself as a widow.  I don't look for much.  I only want people to understand I need to simplify. You see a single mom is generally divorced.  That means the man they had kids with they have decided they no longer want to be in relationship with.  No matter how evil, he is often still around to help.  At a minimum they get a weekend off every once in awhile.    I need people to understand I am alone.  This is my journey.  He will not pick them up from school and get them to the game.  He is gone.  He will not take one to one field while I go to the other.  He is permanently unavailable.  I am a widow.  I am alone.  I am not living out the consequences of my choices.  I am living out loss.  I am a single mom of five.  I am a widow.  It is different.