Its a Private Life

I have been insanely skeptical of Facebook since Rocky died.

It started with the fact that Facebook was burning up with the news before my children were even told.  I have researched and know the first person who posted it.  And the second for that matter.  They were out of line.  I remember being in the hospital and seeing and hearing about all the posts.  I had asked how all the people who showed up at the hospital knew what was going on.  I was told Facebook.  Well meaning people making my business public before I was ready.  That evening, my principal called and wanted to know how I wanted to tell the staff.  My response, "They already know, it is all over Facebook".  She said that made her sad.  Me too.

Then, I received over 50 friend requests within 24 hours of his death.  I called these people my Facebook voyeurs.  Most of whom are still sitting in my friend request page.  I didn't become their friends.  If we weren't friends before my life became so interesting why do they want to be my friends now?

Then, the "friends".  The people on my page.  The ones who claimed what a great friend I was and how heartbroken they were.  Some of these people I really didn't know.  About 6 months later, I deleted a lot of these "friends".  At this point, no one commented to me anymore until I posted something.  Anything.  Then they all piped in again and it confused me.  I am alone, sinking, lost, and confused.  These people publicly claimed to care.  I got angry.  I stopped posting.  If you cared you would call.  If you cared, you would ask how I was.  If you cared, you would greet me Sunday morning.  If you cared......you would do anything but wait for a Facebook post to respond to. 

Facebook is not real.  Facebook has nothing to do with friends.  Facebook is shallow.  Facebook is where you can know what is going on (only in a way that people allow) and you feel in the loop.  Facebook is anything but social.

This is why I do not wish happy birthday on Facebook.  If I don't know you well enough to have your number and send you a text or give you a call, I am not clouding your wall.  Maybe I am wrong, but it is the decision I made.

I am not giving the voyeurs a glimpse into my children's world.  If they cared, they would ask.  I am doing my best to preserve my children and the life we have to live.  It is hard and it is not charming.  I can't paint it in a rainbows and unicorns way that is the Facebook status quo.  Our lives are messy.  Our lives are real.

OK, so why am I still on Facebook?  I ask myself that question every day.  I am not sure.  I think it is an addiction.  I think the fleshly side of me feels I will miss something.  I struggle with it.  It makes me judge.  It makes me mad.  It makes me question people. 

One day I will be strong enough to leave it.  Maybe.