Year of the Lord

Last year at this time Pastor Bill preached on Isaiah 61 and declared 2014 to be the year of the Lord's favor.  Rocky and I grabbed that message.  We were in a dark place.  We had just moved to Gumboro.  In a last stitch effort to save everything.  Our home.  Our finances.  Our children's schooling.  Our future. 

We knew the move we were making was in direct obedience to the Lord.  I was not happy about the move.  I was so scared.  I was so unsure.  The only think I knew for sure was that it was the Lords will for us.  That, and Rocky was so very excited.  His only doubt was my hesitation.  For me, the obedience to the Lord and the submissiveness to my husband was very hard.  If you know me you know those are two traits I struggle with!

As you can imagine I now am filled with questions.  Why did we settle in there for Rocky to leave me less than two months later?  Why did I never fully submit?  Living in that house was the last big argument we had, exactly one week prior to his death.  Why did I continue to argue when I knew it was the Lords will and his love?  Why did I have to make things so tense?  Why couldn't I rejoice in his happiness?  What about the Lord's favor?

Well, after Rocky died I had decisions to make.  The first was the home.  The Lord released me from Gumboro and sent me back to the home Rocky and I lived in for 22 years.  I was able to bring all bills current and no longer live under the financial strain that had haunted Rocky and I.  Through the insurance, social security and selfless giving of others, I was financially stable for the first time in a very long time.  I ended up putting two of my children in private school where they are thriving, not just surviving.  I still have a hope and a future, just have no clue what it looks like.

You see, God did grant me his favor in 2014.  Would I trade it for a different path with Rocky?  Sure I would.  I will never understand but I know that the Lord has quite literally held me in the palm of his hands.  If not, I would have fallen for sure.  I am thankful for his favor, his comfort, his provision, his love.  I pray that all of this helps me to be better at loving people. 

After all, that's what living is really about.