Rings

Several months after Rocky died I wondered how long the average widow keeps her rings on.  So in true, fashion I researched it.  I found that it varies.  I know, who needs research to know that.  I learned that some people move their rings to chains and wear around their necks.  Some just put them away and some sell them to remove the memories.  I wasn't sure any of those options worked for me.  I hit a place at about 8 months post loss where I looked at the rings often and realized that although I still loved Rocky deeply, I was no longer married.  I no longer had a partner doing life with me.  I didn't remove the rings, but I looked at them often and contemplated their meaning.

Then a breakdown came.

Over the Christmas break from school, I wept a lot.  I processed the loss of his life.  I processed the loss of dreams.  I processed the change in my future.  One night while I was sobbing in bed the rings came off.  It was symbolic of the tears.  The loss.  The changes in my life.  This was 10 months post loss.  I started to really look towards tomorrow.  I started to embrace my now.  I shed tears of change.

Here I am a month later.  The rings still sit on my nightstand.  The marks of almost 23 years of wear still show on my finger although it is starting to fade.  Even when the mark on my finger is gone, the mark on my life will be forever.  Things have changed.  I have changed.  My kids have changed.

In all the change, we are learning.  We are moving forward.  We have new symbols that represent all that was and all that will be.